This is a subject that I think relates so powerfully to me, both personally and professionally.
I am me, I can only ever be me. Lucky for me that’s how I’m made; I cannot be somebody else because I’m just me; as you are you.
What I mean though is, I’ve tried to be somebody else before, maybe somebody in my profession, seeing what they’re doing and thinking “Aha, I’ll do that! I’ll be like them and then I’ll get that work!” for example.
Or, equally, in a relationship, I have tried to be more like the person you think your partner likes or liked before.
I remember once being on a huge stage in front of an audience of 5,000 people on a cruise liner sailing across the American seas….it was my first gig on there, I had all my songs ready for my set list, I had a rehearsal with the orchestra and was quietly confident before I went on stage. Until it hit me, back stage, that I’m just a girl from Salford…..no big deal, yeah I sing and I’ve got a personality but I bet they’ll hate how down to earth I am….
The curtains went back. I lifted up my long ball gown style dress and humbly walked onto the stage thinking ‘oh my Hod, I’m going to die! They’ll hate me!!!!!!’
As it happens, I had a good show and got some good reports. I just had this feeling inside though that I hadn’t given my best because of what I was thinking about myself.
The next couple of shows were the same, then one day I said:
You can like me or lump me; I am who I am. I’m always striving to be a better person and I’m not everyone’s cup of tea but, ultimately, I am me!
I went on stage the next day with that in mind and had one of the best shows of my life. I let my humour out, my down to earth personality did what it wanted to do and I shared my songs and some stories!
As years have gone on, I know that I have learned to accept who I am and know that you will repel some people and that’s ok – they are not your audience or your circle of relationships.